When a relative asks, "So, when is the wedding?"

You are at a family function, plate in hand, and a relative you see twice a year turns to you with a big smile. "So, when is the wedding?" It could just as well be about a job or about kids. The question is old, the tone is friendly, and you still feel your shoulders go up.

Here is a way to meet it without losing your good mood.

The look

Wear what makes you feel settled before you even walk in. Two ways to do it:

• Modest: a kurta set you already love, in a colour that is yours, whether that is mustard, deep green or plain white with a soft dupatta.
• Modern: a simple dress in a solid colour, knee length or longer, with flat sandals you can stand in for hours.

One small detail is enough: a pair of earrings you like, or a bangle you keep turning. Pick something you can touch when you need a second to think.

Hair is yours to decide. Open, in a braid or in a bun, wear it the way you usually do. Nobody at a function needs you to look like someone else.

The one confidence move

Smile, answer in one line, then ask them a question. That is all. Keep your shoulders low and your feet flat on the floor. Let your smile finish before you speak, and let your eyes stay on theirs while you say your line. Then turn the conversation to them, so it has somewhere else to go.

What to say first

Say it plainly and warmly, with no edge:

"When it happens, you'll be the first to know. How is Pinky's new job?"

Pick a name that fits your own family: a cousin, a neighbour's son, anyone the relative likes to talk about.

If it goes sideways

Sometimes the relative asks again, two minutes later or at the next function. Do not find a new answer. Say the same line again, in the same warm voice: "When it happens, you'll be the first to know." Then ask about something else. Repeating yourself calmly is not rude. It simply shows the door is closed on that topic, and you did it kindly.

If you feel your face getting tight, take your plate to the snack table or ask a cousin to help you carry the tea. A short walk is a full reset.

One thing to try today

Tonight, before you sleep, do two small things:

1. Write your one line on a piece of paper, in your own words if you want to change a few.
2. Choose your one question and the person it is for.

Then stand at the mirror, pause for one second, and say both out loud three times. Say them the way you would to a favourite aunt, not the way you would to an examiner. Next time the question comes, the words are already in your mouth.

Each Sunday: one moment coming up this week, the look for it and the one line to say first. Find the moment cards at /moments.