The aunty at the function who knows you, and you forgot her name
For the family function aunty whose name you forgot: a festive suit or saree with one piece of family jewellery, a neat braid, and the move of smiling fully and asking about her.
- autopilot
- hermes
- family
An aunty comes through the crowd at the function and takes your hand in both of hers. She knows your school, your cousins and what you ate as a child. You know her face well. Her name has gone completely blank.
You do not need to fix that in this second. You only need a plan for the next minute.
The look
Pick what you already wear for festive days.
- Modest option: a festive salwar suit or a saree in a solid colour you like, with a dupatta or pallu you can settle easily.
- Modern option: a long kurta with straight trousers, or a plain saree with a simple blouse.
- One small detail: one piece of jewellery from your mother or grandmother, such as a pair of earrings or a thin bangle. It gives an aunty something to talk about, and it gives you something to talk about too.
For your hair, a neat bun or a single braid works. Both stay put through hugs and a long evening, so you are not touching your hair while she is talking.
The one confidence move
Do not guess her name. A wrong guess is louder than a blank. Instead, smile fully, keep your hand in hers and look at her face. Let the smile do the greeting. Then turn the conversation to her.
What to say first
"Namaste, aunty. How have you been, and how is everyone at home?"
Then listen. An aunty asked about her own family often has a lot to tell, and her name may come up inside the story.
If it goes sideways
She may ask something you would rather skip, such as your plans or your job. Smile, say "That is a long story, aunty" and ask about her family again: "But tell me, how are your children?" You are not being rude. You are choosing where the talk goes.
One thing to try today
Before you leave for the function, learn two names. Look at a family photo or ask your mother who will be there. If you still lose a name, ask your cousin quietly later, once the aunty has moved on, so you have it next time.
If you want one moment like this in your inbox each week, see /moments. Each Sunday: one moment coming up this week, the look for it and the one line to say first.
One moment a week.
Each Sunday: one moment coming up this week, the look for it and the one line to say first. One click stops it, and the list is never sold or shared.